I'm starting to realize that not everyone is going to be best friends in the world...and not everyone is going to appreciate you or look at you with respect...
call me ignorant but I used to think that was possible.
But through the glares and tension...I started to give up on that idea. I still respect the people who don't particularly enjoy my company...but they make it very easy for me to notice that they would much rather spend an afternoon with a dementor than with me.
There is one person in my life whom I admire very much...but they dont seem to jive the same with me.
I try my hardest to be polite and smile in their direction...but they just do not care for that or pay any attention to it at all.
I was beginning to think it was me...that I was a terrible person or I did something to offend them...(even though I could not think of a single instance that could have possibly been even misinturpreted as rude or arrogant..)
I went with that thought for what felt like a good chunk of my emotional life...but then I realized...I hadn't done anything but be myself...I hadn't done anything besides expressing my thoughts that were honest and just...
This person just cant stand me for some reason.
So...now I am trying to accept the fact that I will never be treated very well by this person...and there is probably nothing I can do about it except show love to them.
I like to think that the only opinion I care about is the Lord's...and thats what I want, but the natural man is so tricky in making me obsess over how others view me...
Listening to Jeffery R. Holland while looking at pinterest is the best thing ever. I was listening to him while I was writing my last post and just his voice in the background was so powerful!
He said something in the talk that I am listening to that made me smile and realize that I am not alone when I hurt.
He said "The road to Salvation ALWAYS goes through Gethsemane"
meaning, this life is not easy. I will be tried and I will be in pain and suffer..but its all worth it to be with my Heavenly Father again.
oh gracious he is so powerful!
This isn't the talk I'm listening to..but I love this one too
I will tell you, the Lord knows all. He is just wonderfully amazing and sometimes I do not realize it...
Yesterday I was offered to go and visit my good friend (the same one I asked to subdeb) in the hospital in Kansas City by a lovely group of friends. Of course I wanted to go! And I felt like it was a righetous desire to go on a Sunday. I did make sure that I was able to go to Sacrament meeting, but I would leave right after and miss my other two meetings. I made all the arrangements and felt very responsible and proud to make it so that I could go and still keep the Sabbath Day holy. Then I realized I had not asked permission from my parents...the only thing I was worried about was they wouldnt let me go if a parent wasnt going either...
which is exactly what happened.
I was very upset, and felt like they were treating me like a child (which is rediculous because I am one) and not really understanding my side. I didnt fight back...I just went to my room very frustraited.
Now you probably know that I am an EXTREMEMLY emotional person. and anything that reminds me of bad situations and anything that amplifies situations in my life that arent the best...I lose it.
I cried. I don't really know why. It was not a huge deal that I couldnt go, and I knew that. Just something about the situation set me over the edge from the stress from school and life.
My mom came in and said it was mostly dad's decision, but that she stood by him..and for some reason that made me feel better. My dad is so sensitive to the spirit and he knows things sometimes that I just have no concept of...
Today I really did not want to get up, but I quickly and messily got up and got ready for church, exaughsted from crying and lack of sleep..
But as soon as church started...I realized why I was not going to Kansas City.
Sacrament meeting was absolutely amazing. the spirit was so strong. but it was my last two meetings that the Spirit really helped me..the two meetings that I would have missed if I had gone to Kansas City.
Sunday School was on The Tender Mercies of the Lord, realizing the little things and the people that come into our lives that help us come from the Lord, and that he knows us all personally..
Young Women was about coming to know Heavenly Father through Jesus Christ.
I needed both of those lessons more than I could have possibly known. The strength and love that it provided to me and the knowledge that it confirmed my dad's decision to keep me from going to KC.
He probably didn't know that I would need these lessons, but I am grateful to him all the same...
I am working on being more appreciative of my parents, because they really do so much for Parker and I that we take for granted.
After church, I got a text message that my friend was being sent home from the hospital today, and that the group that invited me to go to KC had gotten out of town and had to turn back to manhattan. If I would have gone, I would have missed those two wonderful lessons for no reason.
I am making a goal to be more observent of the Lord's tender mercies and the love He has for me
We watched this video today along with the Tender Mercies lesson
